A reader has reached out to renowned lifestylist Harriette Cole with a heartfelt dilemma regarding how to acknowledge the birthday of an ex-boyfriend who has since cut off communication. After a disagreement led to their falling out, the reader, referred to as “Birthday Boy,” is unsure how to express his goodwill without overstepping boundaries.
In a letter to Cole, he explained that his former partner had ceased all communication months ago after they had an argument. Although the situation has left him feeling uncertain, he wants to send a thoughtful message for the occasion. He stated, “I’m not trying to reignite our relationship; I just want to do something nice for him for his birthday. What would be appropriate?”
In response, Cole advised against any grand gestures. “Clearly, he wants to keep his distance from you,” she emphasized. She suggested sending a light-hearted text wishing him a happy birthday while maintaining a respectful distance and not expecting a reply.
This interaction highlights a common challenge in human relationships—the struggle of acknowledging someone important in one’s life while respecting their current boundaries.
Addressing Self-Esteem Issues in Adolescents
In another poignant letter, a concerned parent sought advice from Cole regarding her 19-year-old daughter, who is grappling with insecurities about her appearance. The mother expressed helplessness as her daughter often blames her for her looks and feels overwhelmed by societal beauty standards perpetuated through social media.
“I asked her if she would like to go to therapy to help her gain confidence in herself, but she said that she is not interested,” the mother wrote. “How can I help my daughter build confidence and self-worth when she doesn’t believe anything positive I say and refuses professional help?”
Cole responded by encouraging the mother to expose her daughter to diverse representations of beauty, such as art and cultural exhibitions. She recommended visiting museums that showcase various forms of beauty from around the world, helping the daughter to broaden her perspective.
Utilizing technology to aid in this process, Cole suggested using tools like AI image recognition to show her daughter different representations of beauty that may resonate with her. By emphasizing that many online images are often manipulated, Cole aims to remind the young woman that beauty is subjective and varies greatly.
“This journey to self-acceptance can be challenging, but it is essential for her to understand that beauty is relative,” Cole asserted. She encouraged the mother to remind her daughter that true beauty is defined by how one treats others, not solely by physical appearance.
As individuals navigate complex interpersonal relationships and personal confidence issues, Cole’s advice underscores the importance of sensitivity and support. With practical strategies and a focus on self-acceptance, both the reader and the concerned parent may find pathways to better understand their situations and foster a healthier outlook.
Harriette Cole, founder of DREAMLEAPERS, offers guidance on personal development and relationships, encouraging individuals to explore and activate their dreams. For those seeking her expertise, Cole invites questions via email at [email protected] or through Andrews McMeel Syndication.
